What I can't seem to figure out...

With the holidays approaching, I can't seem to figure out how couples spend the holidays.   There was never any question I was in NYC with my fam.  Enjoying being with my mom, dad and brother.  My parents moved to Charlotte, which is where we were the next year.  Same fam, increased loved, more food, new house, same people.  Then I met my love and his fam is in Philly.  We spent the first year apart with our respective families but you know how hard it is to be away from those you love during the holidays.  We vowed it would be different soon.  The next year my mother was sick in the hospital.  We had Thanksgiving in the waiting room, the boo and I were with our respective families and we had Christmas surrounded by her bed.  My boo came with me to the hospital for Christmas.  It was difficult because before our very eyes our lives were changing.  I am so grateful he was there with me.  Last year was the first without my mother and it was understandably difficult but we spent it with our respective families.  It was important for my dad, brother and I were there for each other.  Well here we are again at another holiday season and the question is raised again.  Where will we spend the holidays?  We want to be together but we also want to be with our families.  What should we do?  Where should we go?

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  1. I come from a pretty dysfunctional family, one where every holiday means someone ends in tears and/or a fight. That being said the first year I was not home for Christmas made me sad...but I think it was because being with my husband's perfect family just reminded me how dysfunctional my own was. Now that we have kids? I don't want to travel for holidays. My home is open to whomever wants to come but trying to decide who gets a holiday this year and make it fair? To stressful Plus our families also live in two different places...

    Good luck deciding!

  2. I am also now following you!!! I love this steam of consciousness idea it's pretty cool!!! I am also having the same dilemma but since my family is dysfuncational as well and my Mom lives in the same city with us now it'll us plus my mom and sister for the Holidays ....the rest of those people.......I don't care to see .........last year we spent one Holiday with his family and one with mine

  3. Is it possible to have your dad and your love's family together? Since your dad will be alone, could he make a trip with you, or have everyone at your house? I hope you can figure this out because it's so true how you all need each other, especially at the holidays. I went through this too for awhile. It is difficult. Good luck and God bless.

  4. His family is more about Thanksgiving, mine more about Christmas so we spend turkey day w/his family & Christmas w/mine. The Christmas we spent w/his fam, I was MISERABLE! When we have kids, I'll expect everyone at our house for Christmas.

  5. the east coast man aka the bf and i have families on the opposite sides of the country. we live in west coast, my family is in L.A., his is in NY. luckily, even though we are close the our respective families - our families and the two of us are pretty chill when it comes to the holidays. of course, ideally, we'd like our cake and eat, too. however, we decided not to make things complicated so as long as we get to visit our respective families at some point during the year, we call it good. last year i was home for christmas, but we traveled out of the country together for NYE, so it is a good compromise. i never really want to have to argue when it comes to family - so if he feels the need to see his on holidays and i just want to see mine - we roll with it. plus, we already live in the same city and we see each other enough that a few days with the fam is not an issue.

  6. My husband and I, before we had a daughter, used to spend our Easter going to a movie and dinner. We didn't want to travel so much or couldn't always make it work. So a movie on Easter became our tradition. I would suggest the same thing to you. Make your own tradition up. Something that you enjoy doing now or a special place you like to eat or sometimes with other friends in the same situation...it can be your tradition until something says it's time to change it.

  7. Just brainstorming: could you two do one holiday with your family and then the next with his? Or do you think your dad and brother would be up for a road trip?
    I think about that as a single lady, just trying to figure out how I'd work that out. I know I would want to be with my family. So, i dont know

  8. 5 mins is all? That's not too bad. i need a timer to tell me when to stop. I get diarrhea of the fingers :-)

  9. My boyfriend and I live 10 minutes apart. Been together almost 10 years and we have spent maybe 3 or 4 holidays apart. One year I was in Vegas with my brothers family for thanksgivings, we did Christmas out there a few years later and last year on my birthday, new years eve my boyfriend spent it with his family. I didn't mindthat he did, I worked my b day and had to work the next day, so for me to party was out of the question. I did however see how it felt to spend that time with our him. Not fun what so ever.

    When we are together for the holiday; for example, Christmas, we do the 24th with his fam. He is Mexican and that's when they celebrate Xmas, we do Xmas day at my house. I would recommend that you do thanksgiving with your fam and Xmas with his. Alternate each year so its not always thanksgiving with your fam and so on. Spend new years together.

    Hope you work it out.

  10. Can't thank everyone enough for your suggestions. I will keep you posted as the holidays approach :)

  11. What me and my ex did was; we would spend Thanksgiving with my family and Christmas morning (early) see them for a couple hours (literally), then we would get on the road from GA to NC. We would get their late afternoon and spend the rest of Christmas and a day or 2 after with his family. Then the next year we would switch, his family for Thanksgiving and my family for Christmas. It worked out pretty well, I just hated being away from my family for any holiday!!! :-(

    Carsedra of:



  12. We typically spend Thanksgiving with my Family and have Christmas at our home that way his Mom, Dad, & Sister and my Mom all come to our house for Christmas and it workd out really well for everybody. However, we did go to his folks house a couple of years ago and I almost DIED being away from my Family... It's hard but marriages and relationships are about sacrifice and sometimes you have to take one for the TEAM!

    ~Wish you well... I'm sure it will all work out just fine!

  13. ok I am showing love o!!!!!. i like your blog

  14. I really enjoyed reading this. It was so touching and close to home. You write really well.


  15. Ever year, the hubby and I have made our rounds to our respective families. It's tiring. Now, with a kid, we are discussing picking holidays.

  16. We either choose one of our families, split our time between our families, or sometimes combine everyone! If your boo is who you want to build a life with, you need to focus on time with him. Build a future together and share your family memories together.


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